A happily married, former swinger, in London with a secret story to tell. “Eyes Shut Open: How Swinging Saved My Marriage.” I live a life on a Thin Grey Line, broke the rules, learned a lot and ended up saving my marriage.
I grew up in a relatively conservative environment with a low self esteem and virtually no sexual confidence and never thought that I would have the experiences that some people can only fantasise about.
But The thin Grey Line is not about the experiences, it is about the lessons I took away from them. The deep personal challenges I faced, we faced, and the quietly whispered world of secret meet-ups and new friendships. It went way beyond sex while it was really only about sex. A secret world just below the surface of the mundane London rat-race.
Not long into our marriage my wife and I agreed to dip our toe into the secret seas of swinging. Over 7 years we would live to test our fidelity, our trust and our love. Together, and with mutual consent, we explored and tested the boundaries of our relationship through sexual experiences in swinging and partner swapping. We have since stopped swinging and taken with us a lot of lessons about us as people. We both feel a lot closer today than ever before and I am more in love with her now than I thought I would ever be.
In being a swinger I learned a lot about myself and my partner. More importantly, however, I learned about my own sexual journey, about hang-ups, intimacy and jealousy. I was challenged to think about things from a very different perspective, one which was socially unacceptable and oddly somehow mainstream.
My wife and I made some amazing friends along the way. We have had so many laughs, a few tears and lived a life that usually fills people’s fantasies and porn appetites. We have no regrets and both agree, this lifestyle choice most probably saved our marriage.
I have spent a lot of time since we stopped swinging in thinking about what the experiences gave us – beyond the sexy fun. Were there any lessons in life or about people and ourselves which I can extract out of the experiences? We stopped swinging for a number of reasons, the most important being the desire to settle down but the impact of the experiences are indelibly etched on our relationship – for the better.
I am not an advocate or in any way advocating people should become swingers. I am however calling upon open minds. I am in no means looking to upset or to insult but this is my (our) story of living life on a thin grey line and I think there is some value in exploring it.
Eyes Shut Open – How swinging saved my marriage.
PS – Please note the contents of this blog will be sexual in nature at least in part.